So this is a post on looking at the christian world. Please know that there's no judgement from me when writing this and if the link works please listen to the song.
I'm not exactly sure when I heard this song but I think it was when I was 10-12 years of age and I remember hearing this song and thinking thiswas a beautiful anthem for the Lord. I listened to it over and over until I knew every word by heart. I was so enamored with him that I wanted to listen to more of his music and I remember doing this when I was around 15-16 years of age and being completely shocked by what I read. This person wrote the song that was like my anthem for God but during all of this was falling away from the lord. His other music was filled with hate and frustrations with God. He never returned back to the Lord and this song was the only one that he wrote to the Lord. I have since heard of so many wonderful singers that have lead people to God through their music but they themselves never ever believed in what they wrote and sang about. Almost 10 years down the road I look at my life and my relationship with the Lord and it's a mile long of hurt, confusion, anger and even bits of hatred towards him and all this time he has brought me out of many things. I've never fully walked away from the Lord, maybe have in my heart or thought about it but it's like in the song Heart of worship, "I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about you Jesus." I've sang that so many times over the years when I was a little girl but it has never rang true with my walk with him. Tonight I shared a little about why I was choosing to choose the Lord to my boyfriend when we were talking. And I told him, "So many times in my life I felt abandoned, discouraged, sinned and told so many things about me by people where the Lord could have been like "Natasha we've been over this over and over." but the Lord instead has been like "Natasha, I am here with you always, I will always be here with arms wide open ready to embrace you." During a Covid season of life where I don't understand why people are walking away from him. Singers who have been writing or singing songs longer than I have been alive, turn away from him, churches and the body of Christ fearful of what the future holds. I myself have been asking the Lord "where are you? Why is this going on and you are here with them or me? Not entirely sure how to end my thought process but I really getting this song stuck in my head one day a month ago and I hadn't listened to it since a little before I left for Indonesia two years ago and I remember hearing a couple of lines to this song.
"Friend of every sinful man
And Savior to this fallen land
You promise us Your presence in this place, So I stand and implore You
Lord, adorn me with Your grace
And I lift my voice and I say
Dance with me, sing with me, oh Lord
And I will sing a thousand Hallelujahs
Hallelujah, Hallelujah." And I put it on repeat for about 3 hours, I kid you not. It was a lot of just letting those lines sink in.
So like I said I don't know how to end this because one I'm still being reminded daily that he's here and I'm daily asking the Lord "Show yourself." Because it doesn't feel like he's here and I can't get through this life without him.
