Secrets Don't Make Friends

 How many times have you heard "Secrets don't make friends? As a kid I heard that so much whenever someone would whisper something to someone else.  "Secrets are something I keep buried deep inside me. A lot of people think because I am bubbly and friendly my life is an open book. Some stranger once asked me what was something I was keeping hidden away from everyone and why? I asked them why they were asking me this and their response was this yet a terrifying response. "Everyone hides something deep inside them. I kept for the longest time I was a lesbian from my family and friends. I married a wonderful man but I wasn't happy, I was afraid of The rejections, the disappointment and the pain I would be causing if I came out of the closet. It's not not worth keeping whatever you have buried deep inside for years. It caused 7 years of a confusing marriage, strain relationships and unhealthiness that came with it. Look at many celebrities and other people who kept their secrets buried deep inside and never talked with someone or even themselves." I sat chewing on that for many years and thought "Hmm maybe she was right, Maybe I should look at secrets or things I buried deep inside, it might be good to bring what is hidden in darkness into the light. But here I lay writing this as I am texting my boyfriend affirmation texts, I don't believe some secrets are bad. Secrets help me trust people, they help me understand the way the world works. And somewhere in there it gives me hope. Now someone following Jesus may look at this and wonder, "if you believe in Jesus why is it that you put your trust in secrets, your views and your hope in this?" I can imagine Sarah reading this and sending me an email about how beautiful it is to put my hopes in Jesus, how much we can learn on him in everything and trust him always. Her simple faith is something I still see as something I can never be or do. I can never understand such love he has for us. I don't understand the simplicity of it but I have secrets in me as long as the sun rises and sets. So I'm telling you all this why? First of all, "why do I write anything?" Most things I don't share in person because it's hard to hold a solid conversation without me stumbling over a word or two, writing things helps you hear more of me than I say in person. And remember this is mostly for myself. I look back and read everything I wrote on this and try to continue to leave a life for Jesus even if it seems like I'm confused because most days I am. Just being honest here.  But let's not get off track of what I was actually writing. I'm telling you all this because you may see a woman who has the S.I.C. personality on the D.I.S.C. profile when she is with people and she may seem as one who talks non stop and has so much energy to overwhelm you but inside she has secrets and things she wants to keep hidden, not because she's afraid. But because she has been down the road of trusting people, hoping for the best that something in her life will change and realizing that they don't define her or control any of that she keeps her secrets and thrives. She keeps a part of her she doesn't want people to see because she is not that person anymore. Plus I think the advice some stranger gave her would have held fruit if she didn't start trusting that whatever she has buried deep inside will come to surface in the Lord's time. So for now I'm going to keep on, keep on.