Every Good Gifts

Awhile ago Addie had posted on Facebook a picture of her and my brother and commented on how God gives good gifts (4G's) And it got me thinking. I spent this week going through a self discovery trying to figure myself out, what I wanted, needed just a little more on me. And I came to thinking about gifts. Gifts have a weird thing for me. When I think of gifts I think about receiving them on your birthday, Christmas. On special holidays and sometimes just because reasons. Gifts have been one of my love languages on how I show love to others but when I was younger it stressed me out more than it does now, which is weird. I love receiving a gift but I love the hidden meaning behind the gift more than the gift itself. I love that someone cared enough to pick something out for me. And trying to figure why they choose the gift they did for me. So really I could care less about the gift but because everything has a story, it makes me enjoy the gift just as much.

But on a spiritual note, here's what I have been thinking about: I grew up in a christian home, everything written here may sound religious so bare with me.. Addie brought up a good thought piece to ponder on. She believes that God gives good gifts to his children, I honestly don't know how much of that I believe. I used to think that God gives everyone a choice and with choice comes the good and the bad. For in everything you do, say or think something good or bad happens. Me sitting here writing results in a good or bad scenario. Now I just am just as confused as you are reading all that. Or maybe you're not and understand more than I do. I do know it says in the bible God delights in giving his children good gifts and so he must have a lot of good gifts for me. And I don't mean any of the spiritual gifts or what we're good at. But gifts he delights in giving his children.

Just takes One

"We are what we believe we are." -C.S Lewis

Sometimes life hands us gifts when we weren't expected gifts. And sometimes they come in the form as gentle as an Angel. With many meanings to her name Chelsea, meaning pebble in ancient Greek or a port of ships in old English. While none of those really stick out as who she is, for she's sweet, sensitive. And has a big heart! She was my first friend I made when I moved away from all my friends and everything I knew. When my family moved to Philomath 8 years ago, the church  across the street was having a 4th of July celebration. We had just moved and we were invited to join. So me and a few of my siblings went over to join. She spotted me not when I hadn't been there more than 3 minutes and introduced herself. What I had noticed about her was she was wearing this pretty red dress (red was my favorite color) and I didn't see much people wearing red like what she wore. So she held my attention. The rest of the evening she was sweet and introduced me to 2 other girls (one was her sister) and another sweet girl named Amy. She stuck by myself the entire time making sure I was enjoying my time. Not only is she beautiful inside and out, but her soul is beautiful. She is one of the strong person I know, she doesn't let things in life get her down or keep her down. She continues to see that there is so much goodness in everyone and in herself. She's so compassionate and humble with one of the purest hearts I have ever known.

 She has always been a friend that I knew would always have my back. She like Jill has shown love comes in the smallest form, whether it's making sure you feel you're part of their world or an outpouring love by gracing you with her. What a sweet amazing friend I have.

Life is an Adventure

"Actually the best gift you could have given her was an adventure of a lifetime -Lewis Carroll

Because I can't figure out how to update about me, I decided to write one here instead and write about me. I'm Natasha or Tasha as people call me.

 I am the middle child of a family with 13 kids 4 adopted. (I'm a adoptee) Life with that many kids, loud yes, crazy yet structured but I basically hid from all that. I was shy as a child and family stuff was intense, don't get me wrong I love my family, they are just intense a lot of the time. Don't like conversations that involve "before you were adopted or what's it like being adopted," so unless I bring it up I won't talk about it.

I love to get to know people. I'm introvert but I think why a lot of people mistaken me as extroverted is because of my outgoing personality. I have a hard time getting to know people. Quality is the way I connect with people. I love learning new things about my family and friends and the world. But school was just hard for me. I'm a dreamer, I dream up new adventures. To which I end up writing about.

 I have spent my entire life around children. I wasn't a fan of children as most people think I was, it happened the day I met a little girl named Ella Bumstead. But there's a post about her I wrote about 2 years ago.

Birthdays are the most important thing to me. People wonder why I love my birthday so much. But here's something about me that most people don't know. As far as I know, I have no biological family. When I got adopted I gained a new family. A new name and new life, the only thing that stayed with me was the day I was born. The only thing that wasn't taken away from me and I held onto that. They became this special thing that would never be taken away.

 I tried so hard to fit in. As I grew up I realized that no matter how hard I try I will never fit in. Something I continue to tell myself every day. My looks, my hair everything I do will always be different.

I don't really like to try new things. I learned that while I was in Indonesia. I do it for the living the experience but when it comes down to enjoyment I'm content with keeping the same schedule and routine. I don't need any new random excitement in my life. Heights scare the crap out of me. I tried last summer many times breaking myself out of that fear but it became an anxiety. Thrill doesn't give me adrenaline like it does most people, it either brings anxiety or just no thrill, it's why I can watch a horror movie and just feel like I watched a OK movie.

I get excited and happy about anything Alice in Wonderland, Sparkly things, Dresses, spending time with my family and friends. Elephants and planning my birthday, (I will plan it 6 months in advance) warm weather, colors, hiking (though trails that have a steepness to them I get terrified being on) and great conversations.

Most people ask about things I desire or what are my passions. My passions are writing and how to become a better writer. I'm also super passionate about one day becoming a mother, if I can be half as great as the moms I spend time with I would be happy. My desires are different than my passions, I desire to feel the love of Christ daily but as I write this I feel more and more as if it is non existence and I don't know how to change that. I also desire to change myself into someone I'm proud of. I hear my parents and some people say they are proud of me but I'm not proud of myself. Nor do I love myself. I'm satisfy loving on other people even putting their needs before mine but don't do the same for myself.

I'm not a very open person but if I don't like something I'll let you know. Sometimes I seem like I talk but it's mostly because I'm in inward processor and after processing things for a good amount of time it just comes out in mounts. I do however think about whether or not I should say, but there are times I don't and usually apology follows.

This is me..I'm a work in progress. I'm someone trying to navigate life in the ways that I can. I adjust for people, sometimes live a little much for people. I'm growing in areas that needed a push and stuck in others.

Cherished Beyond Words

"We must go on and take the adventure that comes to us." -C.S Lewis

Does this person make you think of a youthful person. I vote yes a hundred times. Liana Stone, one of the many great wonders in my life. She's a wonderful wife,  super mom, raising 3 young kids in a beautiful tropical island in Zanzibar. She reminds me of Moana but so much cooler. Last summer when they came home for a few months visiting family and friends, I got the honor of watching her kids and while I did that I also really got to know her. I love her heart.  She has such a servants heart for the people around her. I love her passion for music...Her voice is amazing, I love how her little nieces play one of her Cd's in their room, they're so proud of their Auntie. Her passion to grow daily in her relationship with the father...How she's excited to be in his presence. She's creative and artistic, her hands are never idle. Hardworking is a skill she flourishes in and with such beauty. The earliest memory I have of her, though I had been around her and her family a good chunk growing up but it wasn't until after her and her husband were married, they lived in a cute trailer parked at my parents house how I started getting to know her and talking with her my friendship with her grew. A great conversationalist gal who has some great stories. (She was on American idol once) A fierce prayer warrior who believes in the impossible. That the Father makes impossible become impossible.
 Life with this lady is gift that you never expected to receive but loving every minute of it. I know I always feel like I've received such an amazing gift having a real sweet friendship with her.

Never Lose Your Sense of Wonder

"Sometimes I believe in Six impossible thing before breakfast.-Queen of hearts

So when you look at the people in your life, how often do you wonder why doesn't this person have their own star in Hollywood with their name on it. There's is a few in my life that I look at them and wonder that...But for a specific woman..Sarah J Scholl... Light...Brightness in Irish.. A wonderful New Mexico lady at heart but living the Oregonian dream..She's raising 5 little boys who are rambunctious and full of life. .And rocking it amazing that I often want to be just like her when I grow up. I love that I get to spend one day a week with her. She's insanely goofy and doesn't care to show her goofy side anytime.Laughter makes her shine.  When she laugh you laughs. I remember when I started hanging out with her weekly, we went up to Portland to visit one of her best friends Rayma, I was in the living with some of the kids and she picks up this goofy hat, looks around the room probably talking to herself saying she needed something to pizzazz it up...First time I heard a adult use a Clifford term... She ended up wearing sunglasses and something else causing everyone to laugh. And I thought I want to spend more time with someone who makes life an Adventure. And learned she's always up for an adventure. She's ambitious and full of passion. She resembles a Gladiolus flower in so many ways. Loved for her enthusiasm and good, charming nature. Something that is always shown inside her home and with people she interacts with. She loves Jesus and loves her family.  She loves to love and never expects the same back.

 As I was writing this, I thought of a line in a song I used to sing in middle school and somehow it kept playing in my head as I was thinking about who sarah is. "I see you like a star in the sky, and I love it, yes the light in your eyes." She has such a light that a star gives off. Such a beautiful light.