Life is an Adventure

"Actually the best gift you could have given her was an adventure of a lifetime -Lewis Carroll

Because I can't figure out how to update about me, I decided to write one here instead and write about me. I'm Natasha or Tasha as people call me.

 I am the middle child of a family with 13 kids 4 adopted. (I'm a adoptee) Life with that many kids, loud yes, crazy yet structured but I basically hid from all that. I was shy as a child and family stuff was intense, don't get me wrong I love my family, they are just intense a lot of the time. Don't like conversations that involve "before you were adopted or what's it like being adopted," so unless I bring it up I won't talk about it.

I love to get to know people. I'm introvert but I think why a lot of people mistaken me as extroverted is because of my outgoing personality. I have a hard time getting to know people. Quality is the way I connect with people. I love learning new things about my family and friends and the world. But school was just hard for me. I'm a dreamer, I dream up new adventures. To which I end up writing about.

 I have spent my entire life around children. I wasn't a fan of children as most people think I was, it happened the day I met a little girl named Ella Bumstead. But there's a post about her I wrote about 2 years ago.

Birthdays are the most important thing to me. People wonder why I love my birthday so much. But here's something about me that most people don't know. As far as I know, I have no biological family. When I got adopted I gained a new family. A new name and new life, the only thing that stayed with me was the day I was born. The only thing that wasn't taken away from me and I held onto that. They became this special thing that would never be taken away.

 I tried so hard to fit in. As I grew up I realized that no matter how hard I try I will never fit in. Something I continue to tell myself every day. My looks, my hair everything I do will always be different.

I don't really like to try new things. I learned that while I was in Indonesia. I do it for the living the experience but when it comes down to enjoyment I'm content with keeping the same schedule and routine. I don't need any new random excitement in my life. Heights scare the crap out of me. I tried last summer many times breaking myself out of that fear but it became an anxiety. Thrill doesn't give me adrenaline like it does most people, it either brings anxiety or just no thrill, it's why I can watch a horror movie and just feel like I watched a OK movie.

I get excited and happy about anything Alice in Wonderland, Sparkly things, Dresses, spending time with my family and friends. Elephants and planning my birthday, (I will plan it 6 months in advance) warm weather, colors, hiking (though trails that have a steepness to them I get terrified being on) and great conversations.

Most people ask about things I desire or what are my passions. My passions are writing and how to become a better writer. I'm also super passionate about one day becoming a mother, if I can be half as great as the moms I spend time with I would be happy. My desires are different than my passions, I desire to feel the love of Christ daily but as I write this I feel more and more as if it is non existence and I don't know how to change that. I also desire to change myself into someone I'm proud of. I hear my parents and some people say they are proud of me but I'm not proud of myself. Nor do I love myself. I'm satisfy loving on other people even putting their needs before mine but don't do the same for myself.

I'm not a very open person but if I don't like something I'll let you know. Sometimes I seem like I talk but it's mostly because I'm in inward processor and after processing things for a good amount of time it just comes out in mounts. I do however think about whether or not I should say, but there are times I don't and usually apology follows.

This is me..I'm a work in progress. I'm someone trying to navigate life in the ways that I can. I adjust for people, sometimes live a little much for people. I'm growing in areas that needed a push and stuck in others.