Birthdays are God's gift to the World

So I have never shared my love and thoughts about birthdays. It always came as a shock to me that some people didn't like their birthday as it brought a reminder of them getting old or they had horrible memories of terrible birthdays. As I got older I began to understand that. In a little over 3 weeks I will be celebrating my 24th birthday. A age that makes me feel like I'm getting older. But as I thought about their reasons and logic, as much as it made sense, I didn't feel the same way and that is totally ok. So here's my thoughts on why I love birthdays and celebrating them, whether they're big ones or small ones. I for one lost my birth family pretty young, I never got to hear my birth story. In my family on our birthdays we used to beg our dad to tell our birth story 😂 always from his point of view while my mom corrected it. Mine always started the same and ended the same. Enough to make one never want to hear it again. Which we don't anymore ( thank goodness). Well I decided I wanted my birthday to be a happy reminder to myself of the life I have and not the life I had or was born into. My goal was to make each birthday something I was thankful for having and make sure I was celebrating with the people I loved. Because if I'm going to be celebrating me one day of the year, I want it to be something I look forward to every year. And every year I end it with what I am thankful for. Because a heart of thankfulness on your special day is really important and makes it more rich. So for as long as I'm living to celebrate a birthday, I want to be reminded of all the good in it and end it on a heart of thankfulness and know that I am worth celebrating. Just like you are worth celebrating on your birthday.

I wish.... I was More Loving

To the media and the world... I wish I wasn't black... You hate me, I hate me. Racism is absolutely the source right now feeding my depression. I hate having my thoughts only be heard through my writing when all I need is a conversation about this but it has become such a touchy subject for some yet others actually care about black lives and other lives. Please explain to me why this is happening. Please tell me how we can make that change and how much we need each other... I say this often because I firmly believe it... We need each other. Our strength lifts up those who didn't think they were strong enough on their own. Our weakness become a joint effort if we ask for help. So why are we hating or afraid of people who look different than us. We were made all in the image of God and his perfection is made strong in our weakness. He saw each of us beautifully made. Racism is absolutely the worse feeling I've ever felt, I hate how people can take pride in bringing people down or harming people because they feel they are making the world a better place. It's not just so you know. And just so you know, I'm not perfect, I have fears that can stretch from where I was born to where I live right now. I have hurts a mile long I've done to other people and I have definitely thought some unpleasant thoughts about someone who has wrong me. But God is greater in all of this, he's been working on my heart for the last 8,395 days I've been on this planet and he's still continuing to do so. So media world. Yes I hate being black (I have for as long as I could remember) but I hate being racist more. I hate the word hate. I'm willing to love being black, and all those who wronged me, my neighbor,g family member, people will have special needs, people with disability, people who doesn't have the same color as me if you are willing to love yourself, your neighbor, family member, a person who did you wrongly, a gay, a person with special needs, people with disability and a person who doesn't have the same color as you.  Let's change the world.

To God.... What was your purpose in making me black, making people different from each other? Does looking down and seeing all the pain, suffering, war and violence, hatred and anger make you feel sad as I feel right now? What can I do to change what is going on in my neighborhood, in my house. Please continue to change my heart towards people. Show me how I can show love to those I have the hardest time loving. Just like in a sidewalk prophet song "Till you are my breath, my everything, Lord just keep making me."