So long Summer!

 Summer thanks for giving me a great but confusing summer. For staying warm past August as it's September 6th and supposed to be getting hotter this week. Showing me that you can't make plans with anybody these days anymore unless they're 6 ft apart or a safe distance when I wish people got the memo from me way better this virus showed up. Creating little moments of joy, like spending extra time with my family from Indonesia, walks by myself, even though most of them have been at night, when I can't sleep. For the moments of really getting to know the people who are or have been your quarantine buddies and enjoying just the little things in life. For not completely taking away my summer because it is what keeps me going. The endless amounts of sun, warmth and happiness. Getting the ability to really take time for myself even though most of the time I still am caring for others and I don't think that will ever stop. But can I be honest with you? I don't love the idea of you leaving me so soon, I get you for 3 months and then winter/fall/spring all mashed together for 9 months, 9 months of rain/cloud and a rare year of snow once in a while. You bring out the best in me and every year you teach me something valuable, whether it's about me/people or the world. This year you taught me how I just need to get to know myself and learn to love who I'm becoming even if it isn't who I have been trying to be all year. Accept the growth I'm experiencing in some areas of my life and I am surrounded by people who love me even if I doubt their words and want action. But another honest moment, I don't want to spend another summer with my camera filled with just the kids I watch or hang out and not hanging out with people. I will always have my place with kids but they don't need to satisfy my loneliness that I want others to fill. But to spend time with them out of joy and love for them. I realized that I started going down the path of only kids and their moms enjoy my company and I don't want to be believe that lie. So summer when we meet again next year, I hope to love more, be patient and understanding about people and trust those who love me and want me in their lives and it's not just mom's and their kids. And most of all, My relationship with the Lord get out of this weird rut. No more wrestling with him. But until we meet again!