Things I Wish I Could do as a black woman but can't

"Things I Wish I Could Do As A Black Woman But Can't." I grew up well black but my culture I know absolutely nothing about what it's like being black. I got adopted into a wonderful American family who as they love traveling and being cultured haven't exactly sculpted much in their adopted kid of a love of their culture. But these could be very much just as I see it. Don't get me wrong, I've visited the country where I was born but every time I went back I felt like a tourist or an outsider, like I feel visiting Mexico, Indonesia or a place I know absolutely no one. How can one who in a land surrounded by people who share the same skin color feel so out of place. Well there are a few reason for it. 1. People make me feel like I'm better than them or something they can't stop looking at in the most uncomfortable way (Thankfully not much anymore) my parents didn't exactly know how to incorporate our culture as some families do. Meaning my parents are from Mennonite background and known of having German blood we don't exactly  hold traditions or culture from that, a little hard also when your adopted kids come from different yet some of the same tribes in Liberia you don't know much about. So visiting a land you have no unknown  relatives or family doesn't exactly give you the desire to know where you come from. And I'm pretty much Americanized 23 years later. 

I'm going to let you in on a secret of mine. 1. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. It's like people who were born a certain gender and they become the opposite gender. It's not exactly that easy to switch skin color and that's not what I'm getting at. Because I was raised surrounded by Americans (I literally was never really around any other ethnicity much growing up, my church had one Mexican family and families adopted kids from around the world but it was pretty much scarce on the ethnicity) So my life was pretty much shaken moving from a small town I grew up in and moving to a college town where I saw so many people of all shape and color. And what's strange is that I rarely saw an African or black person but moving here broaden everything else. I fell more and more in love with different cultures and farther away from where I came from until someone would ask where I was adopted from and then reality hit. By now you're probably wondering "what the heck does this have anything to do with your title?" Well this last November as I was celebrating 23 years adopted I came to a realization. "One of the reasons I know nothing about black culture or history is well as I mentioned in the first paragraph, I have had no desire to know about a group a people you may share the same skin but no unknown family so there's no culture or tradition I would be learning about. But then it also made me think of points that I have secretly wished I could do but can't because I'm a black woman. And here's where we get to it.

1. I live in a pretty great place I don't feel unsafe, great family, friends and community, but I'm constantly told or read of stories of black people getting killed and being told that I should feel angry that my fellow black person died because of racism is wrong. First of all, yes it's wrong for a black person to die because someone thinks they're a threat or doesn't like their skin color but I wish people would not lump me in to another stereotype of blacks are angry, gangsters group when seriously? my family get angry over the littlest things at times and I don't group Americans as angry people. I wish people especially on social media understood that the anger I feel in situations are just as if someone I knew died but I also believe Justice should be fair to every race, religion and no one is higher than others. This world just has so much hate that it makes me so sad to see the destruction it does.

2. As a black woman I wish I could show people that black people do not like their hair being touched as if they are animals. Sorry but our hair might look amazing but just like most pregnant women don't like their bellies touched we don't like our hair being touched without permission. For me I have such a sensitive head that I can't even brush my own hair without almost crying and it doesn't feel great when someone does it even without permission.

3. As a black woman I wish I could have naturally straight hair or curly hair like most women do. it's not exactly fun always switching up my hair when I've always wanted to be able to put it up in a ponytail or have long straight hair. Not sure I should be complaining about this.

4. As a black women I wish could explain to people mainly children that I didn't become brown from eating chocolate or pooping a lot (some of the questions kids ask about your skin) just like you didn't become white from drinking coffee or milk.

5. As a black woman I wish I could explain to people that just because we don't tan doesn't mean our skin is flawless. I have zits and pimples and for anyone who things "well it doesn't show big and red, well I scar easily so I have lots of black scars all over my body but though I believe scars are just as beautiful beauty is not flawless, everyone has some blemish about them but they're still beautiful.

These are just a few of the things I wish I could do. I wish I could change how people view black people. I'm learning to even look at black people different than I have. One thing for sure is that even if I lived my whole life disliking or feeling uncomfortable in my own skin I can't change it. I'm learning to love the person the lord made me to be and loving my skin may take time but it doesn't mean I can't do it. I can as a black woman change how I see myself and I can love myself and others.