2016

Wow I can't believe that I have made it through another year.  This year has been full of ups and downs. Everyone says that they have ups and downs in their lives but it's really not the same people talk about.  health getting worse,  constantly being sick and feeling so lonely and depressed and many other things. Month after months things got worse.  I'd lay awake at night praying,  wishing that I would make another day feeling better than yesterday.  But it got worse. During that time I let relationships with people slip. My 2016 was a mess.  But 2017 is going to be different.  I'm going to do everything I missed up better.  Everything is going to be different. I'm going to be different.

New Year

I have always loved the New Year. It always seem to tell me that I'm able to start over.  Every mistake I've made in the year before seems just like a memory. Every year people around the world make what is called a New year's resolutions. Each year as it gets closer to the new year I think of all the things I want change. Usually it's attitude towards people, how to be more involved with people and just little things like that. But this year has brought more stress and dispare which has me been been thinking about what I need to change and then I started thinking why do I have to change one thing for a year.  I have never been good with change so changing one thing has been hard. So this year I don't think I will be doing a new years resolution. But I'm excited to celebrate the new year!

What is Christmas

The Presents opened,  the dinner eaten, bellies filled, lots of laughs. The guests leave and the house once again gets cleaned. What a weird feeling of Christmas.  This year we focused on each other instead of receiving gifts.  Why? Because as many people don't know Christmas comes down to one thing.  Sure it's a pagan holiday but isn't a lot of the holidays we celebrate and love first started by pagans?  My family has always tried to make Christmas very simple while taking out the paganism out. We try and make it family time with some of the fun Christmas feels. Christmas shows the one time of year we aren't angry or hurt by words by family members.  I'm mean we're too busy enjoy our simple and special time together.  This year was different. Many many changes that made it hard for me.  I don't do well with change, I've made myself sick countless times because I'm unable to grasp ahold of something changing and it either causes stress or creates anxiety. With each new change or step this year has brought me, I'm so happy that I had a great Christmas.  So what is Christmas?  I've always been raised to see it as you have to spend it with family and we open gifts or read the Christmas story. But I'm Also hearing as I grow older, it's the gift of giving. But my family never celebratesit as that. What is Christmas?

Relationships

I'm not really good with relationships. I start to retreat from people when they get too close.  But I seemto have this "magnetic pull" that draws people to me according to my friend Cassidy.  Why is it I can draw someone to want to be around me but I retreat? I never really was tough much about people except that I am supposed treat someone like they're a hundred dollar bill. (The words of my dad)  But that doesn't mean anything with relationships and friendship.  Just how to treat a person.  Maybe I think too much of this. But there's are days when I don't like how close people try to get to me. How parents adore me because their children love me. How much one person can make your love the friendship with them but you're hating yourself the whole friendship. But I don't know how to change me or change the way I am. I don't know how to change my life.

Let Not The Damage Be Done

Some days of our friendship will leave you frustrated, may leave you hurt, make you smile but if you get anything from the time you spent with me is that I want a real genuine friendship. Not one I feel abandoned by or that I constantly hurt you because I feel it deep down in my soul and I am not strong enough to fix it. May it be one I can look back at all the good things we did and not at all the time I cried about how much I've hurt you.  I come with a "fragile handle with care warning." I'm not strong enough to do this on my own....

CRAZINESS

These last few weeks have been crazy.  Crazy in many bad ways.  I went from a happy person who loved everyone and most things to very emotional,  don't trust anyone or care to trust people close to me.  But doing a great job of hiding it. I would tell myself that I'm not really this person,  it's a phase that will disappear but I'm not sure it is when I'm trying so hard to chase after it.

Pushing through

The moments in life when you feel like everything you do is all coming to a close. Or they don't really seem to make you feel very excited or uplifted. Almost like what you have been doing weekly, monthly or even every single day of the year just loses the fire. There has to be a point where you must tell yourself to get back up, dust the dirt off and push through. Your joy, happiness which was stolen is still in reach. Been told many times by different people that the devil is crafty in many ways, but his tricks are all the same. Because of them all being the same you would think that you figure out his schemes, tricks. But sometimes I wonder if they actually knew exactly what battle you and the devil have.  Everyone has their own battles.

 Bethany

"Christ dazzles me and stirs within me such feelings of amazement that I can never get over him  

- A.W Tozer

Who inspires you? What about them inspires you?

Josiah- To love people more

Who or what Motivates you? And why?

People who's opinions I respect- don't want to disappoint them

What are some Struggles you have? Or fears?

Struggles with insecurity

What does having faith mean to you?

Believing in what is unseen and hard to measure

What is your outlook on life?

Jesus adds the purpose and meaning

Are you introverted, extroverted or both?

Introverted  

Do you have a dream? If so how would you make that dream come true? 

Friends come to Jesus - Prayer and listening to Jesus

What are you most passionate about?

My generation passionate for Jesus and willing to take risks

Lukas

"Your Ego is not your Amigo"

Who inspires you? What about them inspires you?

Wayne Shank- He is an encourager who loves the Lord and seeks adventures.

Who or what Motivates you? And why?

myself-In hope of being healthier.

What are some Struggles you have? Or fears?

Afraid not to get the most out of life.

What does having faith mean to you?

Trusting when you can't see the end goal.

What is your outlook on life?

Positively loving it!

Are you introverted, extroverted or both?

Introvert-Extroverted  

Do you have a dream? If so how would you make that dream come true? 

A pilot or photographer- lots of prayer and pro-activity. Bring people to the Lord through worship 

What are you most passionate about?

Relationships 

Levi

 "Seek and you will find"

Who inspires you? What about them inspires you?

Jonathan - He's real and confronts me like no other person does.

Who or what motivates you? And why?

Negative motivation -of fear, positive motivation- to be great

What are some struggles you have? Or fears?

free to be me

What does having faith mean to you?

Choice to believe

What's your outlook on life?

Pushing through hurdles

Are you introverted, extroverted or both?

Introvert-extroverted

 Do you have a dream? If so how would you make that dream come true?

Live in the moment- exercising my focus on the moment.

What are you most passionate about?

putting others before me

 Anya

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you." declares the Lord

How are you inspired?

When I read stories about people lives,  by the Lord, Nature and Art

Who or what motivates you? And why?

Time passing- Realize how short life is, afraid I will waste time and not use it fully

What are some struggles you have? Or fears?

people I love dying, struggle with seeing the good in people

What does having faith mean to you?

Believing in something or someone when there's no certain outcome

What's your outlook on life?

BEST, DAY, EVEERRR!

Are you introverted, extroverted or both?

Extroverted

Do you have a dream? If so how would you make that dream come true?

Create an atmosphere of welcome with everyone who meets me- Use my home and resources to help the hurting

What are you most passionate about?

Learning and trying new things

 

Abigail

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking you're self-less." -C.S Lewis 

Who inspires you? What about them inspires you? 

Peet- With the way he consistently shows Jesus to people

  

Who or what Motivates you? And Why?

Results- you want to see the outcome

What are some struggles you have? or Fears?

Fear of failure

What does having Faith mean to you?

Believing in something that is not tangible

What's your outlook on life?

   To know Jesus and to make him known

Are you introverted or extroverted?   

Introverted 

 Do you have a Dream? If so how would you make that dream come true?

Be the Mother of a Generation that is passionate for Jesus- God's Grace

What are you most passionate about?

To see the disappearance of lukewarm Christians

  

Depression

Everything written from this post on Depression is true. You don't know anything about depression until you experience it yourself. But that doesn't mean that you can't conquer it, with the help from people who really want to help you and you believing that you are stronger than depression. 

Leaving Behind

What is something you want to leave behind for the people who were involved and a great part of your life when you die? Every time I'm asked that question it had always been as a way for me to look good. But if I had to decide as if I was breathing the last few minutes or seconds of my life would be. I want everyone that I deeply cared about and whoever was in my life, I would want them to have a love so deep it all pointed to God.. Memories of you will fade in time so why would we want to waste spending our lives pleasing ourselves when we are called to be representing Christ. As I was thinking about this I was reminded of a song by a band of the name "Sidewalk Prophets, Live Like That," "I want to show the world the love he gave for me, longing for the world to know the glory of the king." What a beautiful thing to leave behind.. Wanting the world to know Jesus and not focusing on the good you did for the world.

Nothing is worse than fear itself. Fear controls a huge part of your life. I know I have done many things I've later regret because of fear. Fear comes in many way, in more ways then we know. For me it controls so much of my life. Some days I wake up terrified of just waking up and screwing up my day. "What if a simple mistake could destroy someone's life." "What can't I feel courageous?" Those are lies that fear grows when you believe them. It can turn someone into a someone they're not. Every since I was little,  I would tell myself "I can do this, I'm stronger than fear itself.." And I'm still telling myself that to this day.

Be My Healer

                                             One of my favorite song..Jesus is the healer for everything in life.

The Past is in the Past

Most of us have things from our past that cause us to move forward in life. Many of us believe to have moved on from our past. But looking back there is always something from your past that will never be forgotten but that doesn't mean you can't or haven't moved on from it. A few days ago as I was talking to my mentor Jill we were talking about relationships and our past. And I realized that I needed to leave what happened in the past be the past, it took me to where I am today but it won't make my choices for me. From them I've given options, to change or let the past become the present and maybe the future. A line from a song by Jenny Simmons says "I'm not holding back til next year I'm living for today." No one wants to live in the past or hold on to the future when they should be living for the present.

Life holds Beauty

I'm surrounded by such beauty in this world. What does the word "Beauty" mean? Such a depth word that holds such a strong meaning. For me I see it in a merely how each color is expressed, or the one a person expresses themselves doing something they love. Beauty is also found in people. Everyone has beauty in them, even if they don't feel beautiful on the outside there's always beauty in them just waiting to come out. I love discovering Beauty.

Disappointments

The feeling you get when you disappoint someone who means so much to you. That you can't bear to look them in the eyes because all you see is how much you disappointed them. No matter what you do, however many times you disappoint God, you can always run to him and he forgives. Your disappointments and failure are already dealt forgotten. It's hard for me to accept that whenever I feel like I just disappointed someone in my life and I will never have them look at me without that hanging over us..

Ups and downs of life

Each person goes through ups and downs. Let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time there was this girl who had just joined a family who already had 7 kids, they adopted a little boy who was a year and a half younger than her. They were the biggest family in their church, continuing to expand, they added 4 more kids, which were birth naturally and healthy by the mother. So much trauma had already been built in the young girl's life that it became a rocky start with the family. You would think the story gets better... Well for awhile everything was going great..the young girl started to adjust to being in such a large family. But by the time she was 10 she discovered sharp objects in the way that was harmful. By the time she reached the age of 13 she became a different person, lost joy and life in things she loved most. Most importantly her family.. She started resenting them wishing for she was never a part of the wonderful family she was given. By the time she turned 14 life just kept getting worse and worse but she chose to do something about it. She devoted herself and time to be around people who were discovering life and new things. She discovered that it was the only thing that made her feel happy inside and not just on her face. She started mentoring with a friend who became one of her closest friends. Life was slowly getting back on the right track. Her past life seemed to be a thing in the past...

Life has a way of putting so many things that make it harder for you to want to go on but it doesn't have to let it be the only thing you see. Look for the good things and go for them.

What is God Like

What is God like? What does it mean to fully want to have a deeper relationship with him. My thoughts are all mixed up and confused about that. God is so many wonderful descriptions but how is he different than a man on earth? Besides that he's perfect in every way and knows our thoughts before we've even thought it. What purpose did he create us? Did he just create us because even though he had angels he wanted some companionship? So many questions to what God is like and even more on having a relationship with him. I'm so eager to speak to someone about it but will it make more sense?

What Christmas Means to Me

Here's a full story I wrote during my family's early Christmas celebration.. 


Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, just like many other people in this world but all for different reasons. Let me introduce myself, Stella Lewis, a mother of  four, four sweet girls each born in a different seasons, Starla is my Christmas baby (she's the one I'll be talking about). Dec 25th, Supposed to be born in March of the next year. She's eight and I don't want to give too much away. Genevieve (Or Geni) my sweet spring baby is five and just adores being the person who lifts anyone's mood, from sadness, anger to happiness. My ray of sunshine. Trinity and Gemma are my Summer and Autumn babies ages three and two born 365 days apart, Gemma was born the same day Trinity turned one. Each of them special in her own way. But this story we're going to be talking about why Christmas and what it means to me. Almost 10 years ago because Starla as I forgot to mention will be 9. My husband and I found out that we were going to have a baby, we were so excited, weeks later found out that we were going to have twins but sometime in September we lost our little boy....I meant o say November, We named him Noah Ellis. Just when we thought we were baby less our doctor told us that our girl was still alive but with a slim chance of survival. We buried our little boy and I was completely bedridden until Christmas Eve. I went into early labor. On Christmas day at 12:25pm my husband and I received our Christmas gift, our baby girl Starla Cherish,she was three pounds and had trouble breathing. Her lungs  could barely get any air. She stayed in the hospital the first four months of her life, fighting for her life. By the time she was eight months old her lungs cleared up to where she could use them in the way a eight month baby was able to. On her first birthday she caught the bug her cousins passed around. At first thought nothing about it other than being a bug, instead of healing it landed our year old daughter once again in the hospital. That year she spent three months out of the hospital. I spent night after night praying for my baby girl. I prayed to God putting my daughter's life in his hand. I wanted his will to be done in my daughter's life. Woke up Christmas day to my baby laughing and saying "Merry Bwithday", talking for one, two looking better than I had seen her in the months we spent in the hospital. I had never heard of a Christmas miracle for I grew up never celebrating Christmas. My father was always drafted on Christmas and by the time I was 10 he was killed, my mom remarried to a man who should have been my dad. He was there for me all through middle school, High school and college and when my mom died (she killed herself on her birthday when I was 17) He has been there for me even through the times my daughter was in the hospital. He used to tell me that miracles are all around us especially at Christmas time. But I never believed in him but seeing my baby girl talking and looking better made me wonder if miracles were real. We left the hospital the next day and Starla has not been since been in the hospital besides for broken bones. Ever since we have been able to celebrate Christmas and expand our family and are continuing to since this newest member is going to make his appearance in less than a month. His sisters are happy for a brother because there needs to be a son to make their dad happy. I''m sure my husband will love our newest member girl or boy but he's happy just the same.We're excited for welcoming Cullen Foster in our family and I'm extra blessed and grateful for my Christmas miracle daughter..
Stella Lewis

Trials and Struggles

Trials in life are ones you face everyday...Everyday I struggle with my health. I look like a healthy happy person but my body is constantly fighting to keep me looking like the image I show the world. One thing about me is that I hate taking any sort of medicine, vitamin or anything healthy that is sure to have strange affect on me. So in October 1, 2014 when my health took a strange turn making me have to take pills, it became a daily struggle to take one simple pill everyday..There was a time when I skipped it for a month and a half, sometimes I'd forget and skip a day. You would think that it's nothing to swallow one small pill. But for me that took everything I had. It became a struggle when it shouldn't had. In many other areas of my life I put myself in places that if I would have choose the path placed in front of me, the right path I wouldn't have trials to go through. But that wouldn't be experiencing life. "Life is an adventure." Everything you go through takes you on this adventure, where you either love it and experience it or hate it and learn from it. I probably will still struggle with my health, but I won't always face these trials alone. I have friends by my side and a God who won't let me go through this along.

Pressing On

There are days where I feel like everything inside of me just comes out..It shows up on my face, I get into mood swings. And then there are days when I feel like I can conquer the world. Like a ray of sunshine in a storm. Why can't I stay in the days where I feel at peace and comfort with myself. And not like I want to shrivel and die. Sometimes when I feel like that I talk to my friend and mentor Jill, or my friend Molly or even write about it. Sometimes none of that seems to help but I don't give up.. Well actually sometimes I do give up. I give up on ever finding the answer to my Whys and start to focus on the Can'ts. A long time ago, Sarah, one of my dearest friend  told me this: "Saying I can't is giving the devil a key and saying here I'm yours, saying  I can is telling God/Jesus I'm fully trusting that you can help me. I didn't understand at that time she spoke those words. But now seeing that they apply to many areas of my life helps me understand what she meant. Don't Give up even when it's hard..You can do this...I'm still telling myself this over and over,

Like a Family

This family is like a second family to me.I have known each one of these sweet 4 kids since they were tiny infants. I've had the honors of living next door to them since David (the little boy) was a tiny baby and a few months before then. Charis, Ella, David and Sarah have made me smile and laugh when I felt like crap.I never get tired of playing games with the older girls and  David, reading to them and holding Sarah trying to make her laugh and giggle.  Showed me what it was like being a young child again and taught me some very important life lessons. "Don't be in a hurry to grow up, life sneaks up on you and soon you'll wish for the memories of being young again." They have two amazing parents, Norma, an amazing cook and mother..Easy to talk to. I don't get much conversations with her because of her kids seeking my attention. Andy is a hard working dad who has David always talking about, proud of his dad. Great father and I love it when he speaks at Hive. I've only gotten to listen to about one but his teaching are worth sitting still to listen. They invest so much in my life and into many others.  Love being a part of their lives. Thanks So much Bumstead Family!

This family is also like a second family to me. Each of these kids hold a special place in my heart. Bella and Ellie are some of my best friends, who I get so happy and excited to be with them. Bella the motherly one who also likes things neat and clean. She's her mini mother. She and Ellie both love to show their artistic ability. Ellie the little drama queen and entertainer, She never quits entertaining, it's quite entertaining. Justice the only boy (besides their dad) quiet but cool. He loves hanging out with friends and doesn't care to seen talking to me. He enjoys so much in life, Faith their little down syndrome miracle, Lights up their lives and mine. She's silly, funny and super smart. Loves almost the same things I do, so we fight a lot (can you imagine me fighting with a 6 year old?) JK we have fun dancing and coloring and playing.  They have wonderful, amazing parents John and Gizelle, , who while raising their child display Christ in their lives. They love serving people but most of all serving God. I am beyond blessed to have them a part of my life. Shaping me and investing their time with me.. Thanks for being a family to me Marrs

Faith like a child

Children are pretty important people in this world. They are the generation of the world. The world will look up to them at a certain age.  The bible uses a very important story to show us that if we don't have a child-like faith we'll get nowhere in life. Children have so much faith but are also very vulnerable which is why we have to to teach them. "Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it." Train up a children in a healthy happy way, and watch how they grow.Also learn from them. You may learn some important life lessons from them

  Once Upon a far distantly long land ago there lived this Cabinet maker named Rory who had 3 daughters; Portia, Dolores and Renee who everyone called Raini. Each of his daughters were known for their personalities. Portia was known as one who was a greedy person who always got what she wanted. She was also known as being very beautiful.Dolores was known for her obnoxious tongue wagging in places it needed not to be in but always was. Raini was her father's pride and joy, though known for her seamstress work she was beautiful in beautiful in everything she did. But a fault of what she had was she could not dance. it was a sorry sight to see that where she didn't lack in beauty, grace and musical flare she lacked in dancing, in a town where dancing happened every full moon or any celebration. Her sisters showed no grace in constantly reminding her of her one fault. "With feet like yours you may never catch a husband as is tradition for a girl." "Someday you will wish you could dance but the rate you're at may take centuries." One day while she was up on a hill picking and arranging flowers for her friend's upcoming wedding, she made sure no one was watching before she started her dancing. "What a sore sight to look at." someone spoke startling Raini. She stopped and turned finding this rugged. buff man standing, laughing at her. "If I knew better I would say you don't know how to dance. You look like a sick duck trying to dance a jig." And with that he lead out a big deep rumbling sort of laugh. Raini glared at the man at first not realizing who this rude man was and than realized it was Gustave the nastiest, rudest man in the town who had left to work on his manner and gain money to support himself and maybe a family. And returning home he gained a butt load of money and a future wife in the picture....her...

Short story of a story I wrote... comment below to find out more to the story

On The Inside

Really love this song...When you feel like no one understands what you are fighting inside, remember you're not along. I'm constantly forgetting who holds me in the palm of his hands. Always ready to protect  and hold you secure. He loves you no matter what you've done.

Tea Party

Last April I threw a tea party for all the young girls in my Church..

We need Each Other

I wonder how many times I've heard  about people that come and go in your life as you get older. That part is true, but for me I am still in touch with people who I knew when I was younger. The people who are currently in my life mean a lot to me, I know that just living in the present and not worrying about the future that the people who are pouring their love and time into my life mean a lot to me. So don't dwell in the future, live in the moment, enjoy the times you have with people in your life. They mean more to you then you think.

Sarah Bumstead

This little girl is my sunshine and Joy, I love hanging out with her and her siblings

Hope

Hope! This world could use a little more hope.  A simple prayer a mother prays as her son is fighting for his country, dying patient who holding onto that little bit of hope he has left.  Hope is what sparks the fire in your soul causing it to burn brighter and brighter. One of my favorite songs "Hope In Front of Me" talks a lot about hope. It also takes us behind the story of the singer Danny Gokey. Preparing to appear on American Idol he had excitement and fear all mixed together. A month before he was to go on his beloved wife passed away leaving him broken and sad. Instead of letting that get him down, he decided to honor his wife's dying wish "For him to fulfill his dream of being on American Idol. He didn't make it very far on American Idol but God had a different plan for him. He went down the music path but instead of being a famous singer like Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Carrie Underwood, he used his music to touch people's lives. What I love about Hope is that it takes you down the path of trusting what God has in store for you. Holding onto that strand of hope you may be holding onto. It can take you far....

2016

2016.. The old has gone and the new is yet to come. I have so many hopes and dreams concerning 2016. Most importantly I hope this to be a year where I become closer in my relationship with God.

The Forgotten Place

Many people have traveled to different parts of the world but there is one spot that everyone overlooks. Was it because it was so small that it was so easily overlooked or was it because no one dared to travel to it? Whatever the reasoning for it no one set foot on it until one day, to which our story takes us to. Trenton Van Rewharv was a young lad from Australia who though dreams were so high and big they never took him anywhere. He had dreamed of visiting North and South America, Asia but never got up the courage. Instead he saved amount-less loads of money in hopes of one day fulfilling his dreams. A week before Australia day he received a phone call from his dear cousin in North America. Robert Jr XI, Frost who was a businessman who bought samples from around the world and corporate it into the company he worked for..As confusing as it sounds, it wasn't illegal and people paid good money for them. He told Trenton that he had a proposition for him that could go beyond his wildest dreams, which was a major exaggeration because his cousin didn't know any of his dreams. But Trenton allowed his cousin to run his idea through him. "There's this spot that no one has ever dared stepped foot in that surprisingly close to where he lives?" The more his cousin went on the crazier the idea seemed, "Wait his cousin wants him to go with him and explore it and bring something back from it for the world?" He was going to need to thing more about that idea. He hung up promising to let his cousin know his answer. Two weeks after Australia Day he was just sitting down for dinner at his folks when he made up his mind, "If not now than when?" he had to start somewhere. So when he returned home he called up his cousin. Which waking him up as America and Australia's times were different. After apologizing he told his cousin that if it wasn't too late he would love to accompany him on this wildest adventure.

To Be Continued....

If You like this story so far let me know....

Someone once told me that everything you face has a purpose, every road you walk go somewhere.We all walk through life differently but we all end up in one place. From there our lives are determined by where we go next.. I find that quite disagreeable. Since the day we were placed on this earth to the day we die, we all have a choice to live our lives glorifying God.. He determines where we go. Whether we decide to is up to us. God has given us the freedom to choose for ourselves. He knows we can't go far in life without him but our will tells us that we are strong without him.

 My beautiful sisters and I along with my niece Lailanie