A Heart of Thankfulness

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holiday season, Christmas as a child was mostly about receiving the right gift otherwise I didn't enjoy Christmas and as I got older it was less about gifts and more about traditions without feeling. Thanksgiving had more than one reason to celebrate it. Family gathering around the table eating food, laughter and jokes. Games and movies going on in the evening because we didn't want the day to end. Looking back at all the blessings I have been given the last year, and I hate going around the table at Thanksgiving and saying what I'm thankful because I didn't then really see "yes I'm thankful for this and so using one commonly used felt the easy way out. But as I grew up I made a list of the things I truly am thankful daily and not just on Thanksgiving. Thankful for 21 years ago whatever circumstances were then I came to America. Thankful for the many prayers that were prayed for during that time and even ones today. Thankful for my families (Wenger and Nichols) I have been a part of your lives for 21 years (though some not so long) and I'm looking forward to many more years with you guys in my life. I'm thankful for my mistakes, because I learn from them and Jesus unconditionally loves me down to my mistakes. Thankful for the things I'm learning about myself and others. I'm learning to trust. Whether that in myself, people or Jesus. Thankful for dance. It's my favorite thing right now in life, turns a hard day into one of the best days. These are just a few of the things I am thankful and everyday reminding myself that I have something to be thankful no matter what circumstance I'm in. We should celebrate Thanksgiving every day but not in a way we celebrate it once a year. Eating a turkey dinner is great ( I actually refuse to eat a turkey, haven't since I was 10) and all but taking the time to really go every day with a thankful heart is better even though it is hard (trust me something I struggle with) I only day this because I want to start from now until the end of my life with a heart of thankfulness. I'm not perfect, I know I'll have days I won't feel full of thankfulness but I want to try.

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This is Me

It's been awhile since I've written something about me. Do you ever wonder what life is being Tasha. I can tell you I often wonder what life is like for my family and friends. What it means to be them. But this is what I can tell you about me.. This is me....

I'm the 7th child in a family of 13 kids, 2 parents, 4 in-laws , 5 almost 6 nieces (One niece I haven't met and hope to one day) 2 nephews. A big family that everyone constantly says will grow. But we still have a lot still single and not at all mingling into the dating world. I know every single family member, in law and nieces and nephews birthdays as well as 100 other birthdays without using a calendar. Meaning there's about 2 families in my church that I don't know their birthdays 6 singles that I don't know their birthdays. Most people find that amazing that I know everyone's birthday (which I don't) But as I've told some people. "Birthdays are the most important thing about you, it's what makes you stand out and shine." The world was lucky to have you. To the people I don't know their birthdays, I haven't really had the pleasure of getting to know World's greatest gift. And it doesn't mean I don't want to, sometimes my life takes me in a different direction.

Sometimes I like to think I'm such a girly on movies that drive my sisters nuts because they're just so girly. But as I got older I'm a mix. I don't like getting dirty but I don't flinch if a baby throws up on me or has a blow out. I'm deathly afraid of snakes but I will pick up a spider and put them in a jar to later dump on my little sister's bed when she's mean to me. (I did that once as a child) I would live in dresses if I could but I love wearing leggings just as much. The sparkliest it is the better. but most of my clothes are toned down colors.

I seem to be such an outgoing spontaneous person. But in reality if I don't have a plan, schedule and heads up, I'm not usually on board and I tend to get stress. I hate last minute stuff but I have been teaching myself for the last 3 years that not everyone is like you. None of your friends plan weeks in advance like you do and that's ok. So I instead try to be like them.

I'm not a verbal processor. Everything I share deeply with someone I've process and thought about for awhile before sharing. Sometimes I tend to share the same thing, because it means I've thought more about it. Take this for example. I've thought about writing about me for awhile but I thought about what I was sharing. I've erased so much and added because I'm still processing. A lot of times when I seem to let my mouth run, it's because it's been silently processing for awhile. A lot of people see me as someone who loves to talk, my family sees me as someone who talks when she's excited about something but as much as it seems each is me. I'm a dreamer, an observer and someone who loves to talk with you, but would prefer to have two sided conversations not just hearing the sound of my own voice.

I hate musicals, I hate the constant singing when it's not concert or church. I used to hate breaking in song because my siblings would constantly do it in a annoying way because they knew what annoyed you. Having to sit through talking that is about 2 minutes and then a 5 minute song makes me go crazy inside. I will not go to anything musical no matter who is going.


Dancing I do love...I hate the performing part that comes with it, but I use dancing as a way of feeling better about myself. A form of art I'm not graceful at but something I don't use perfection as a way of feeling better about myself. I see my flaws and success and instead I turn it all into joy.

I am one of the most sensitive eaters, some people call it picky. But there's a list of food I will not eat based on the texture of how it feels. I've spent this year getting over my food sensitive and sometimes I wonder if that's why I don't really eat.

Everyone has a love language, ways they feel love. For me personal touch is not something I like receiving or giving. Since a child I was never one to run up and hug you or really receive it.

So this is me...A dreamer.... someone who loves people but sometimes don't feel loved (Don't get me wrong, my life is full of love) someone who uses words to speak because the voice is hard to use. Someone who strives to fit in with her surrounding and daily blames God for making her black because it makes here stick out then just her skin tone being a different color. Hoping to be more encouraging this coming year and speak words of life and not ones that tear them down.

Dream Big Darling

What is your dream?" What does your life look like in a year from now?" Or even 5 years from now?" The question even after high school I'm still asked that question. But then again it's something I sit back looking back at my life and wonder myself. My dream.... At 9 years old I had this plan on how my life was going to look like. 18 I would move out of my parents house, 21 I would have a boyfriend as well as become a certified foster parent, 22 would married my boyfriend after a year together. Because I believed (maybe still do) if you haven't been together for a year there's a high chance of divorce if you get married before your dating time is up. 23 expect our first child, 28 prep for fostering my first foster kids while raising my child. But as I got older none of those things really worked out in my favor. Well at 21 I completed my foster care classes. As I grew older some of my dreams changed. After high school I realized that I wanted to be a event planner or a life coach. I was talking my friend peet one day when I lived with my sister about how much I loved helping people figure out a way of helping themselves. Life coach seemed like the perfect fit with doing a little event planning on the side. Fast forward 2 years later I started working as a respite care provider and working more with kids. Foster and special needs kids and loving it. I started seeing myself working in a career helping children in ways that they didn't have a voice or were understood. It sounded so wonderful and so fitting. Except for one thing. I started losing excitement and joy and realized that Event planning was becoming more and more something I always went to giving so much and excitement to. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to help foster kids and continue doing respite. So I kept pressing into those areas as they still felt a part of something I wanted to do. So forward to present day..What is my dream? What do I see myself in the next 5 years? I don't know, I really hope to start fostering in 5 years while living in a area where I could be putting my event planning skills to work. Or even being a stay home introvert  mom who is also a writer who wants to share her work with the world besides certain blog pieces.  If only dreams could become my reality.

You Are An Inspiration.

New idea I had while dreaming. As I am wrapping up on my piece highlighting on one person, I thought of doing a piece that is called You are. two piece I will do once a month. One on two people in my life. Pointing out the good of them in my life without revealing who they are. The other one is the negativeness of me or something of me. The one on people only writes about the good of others. The other will only be focused on the negative.  A 6 month thing consists of 12 people I got permission to use, though not even them know if I'm writing about them. I have no idea why this was an idea or what sparked it. But I thought it would be fun to try.


You are perfect I look at you and wonder how perfection doesn't measure up to you. You are one of my favorite person placed in my life, continuing to inspire me daily. You are not afraid to show what it really means to love someone deeply and unconditionally. You are more like Jesus everyday and continue to be just like him daily.You are a leader among those around you. The saying "Great leaders inspire greatness in others" shows how great of a leader you are. Your sibling and family look up to you. You are an inspiration.

You are happiness, an adventurous soul that daily craves adventures. You are fearless where fear has no bond on you. You are spirited letting Jesus guide your heart and soul. You are not easily swayed by who the world says you need to be. Jesus is who you put your trust in. You are a friend to many and love unconditionally on everyone. You are the joy of many and joy has become your name. You are the song Jesus sings and his good faithful servant. You are an inspiration.

His Hands and Feet

Let us live like flowers, wild and beautiful and drenched in sun. -Ellen Everett

Derived from late Latin also means the same as  Christine in Scandinavian. Kirsten means Follower of Christ. She is one of the sweetest people in my life. Tenderhearted and sincere. Oh and one of my favorite people to carry a conversation with. Conversations are so meaningful and sometimes full of laughter.. She's lively and amusing all wrapped in one. Patience is one of her strong strengths and she rides that with stride and determination.  Even though I grew up knowing about her, I didn't actually have the privilege of spending time with her until she moved her 3 or so years ago. In the time we've spent together, I have watched her thrive like a flower. She's planted in many people lives, and just like a flower the more you water her, or in deeper meaning, the more time you spend time with her life happens. It grows into this beautiful flower or every time you spend with her you get to be part of something beautiful. My friendship with her is so beautiful and every time I spend more beautiful things bloom. Her tender spirit loves helping people.  People are beautiful to her and she has Jesus's heart for the hurting and broken. Laughter and music are so much part of her life, she love filling life with them.

 With so much I could write about her, life feels like it was created for her. She looks at life as a adventure and strives to enjoy it to the fullest. Living a life as Christ's hands and feet she considers great joy. With joy as a habit, love is a reflex.

Happiness blooms from within

"Spread love where you go. Let no one come to you without leaving happier."- Mother Teresa  

One of the greatest gifts anyone can have is a mother. I have spent the last 8 years around many different mothers and here is what I want to say about each of them that is really inspiring.

  First let's start off with my birth mom. Well there's not really much to say as I know nothing of her. But she gave me life, she carried me for 9 or so months (I know nothing on my baby life) and though life has a way of continuing life she gave me gave me a life with my mom who adopted me. She's pretty much makes superwoman not so bad-ass. She gave birth to 9 kids and adopted 4 others (including me) She raised 13 kids, potter trained, I would say homeschooled (but only really the older would say she homeschooled), dealt with so many temper tantrums, yelling and fights, scraped knees and many different stages and phases of teenage years (Still has one who isn't quite a teenager yet) Her insanity was replaced with grace and wisdom (because really we weren't easy) and a great support system.

 My sister and sister in law are some great moms. Georgie raises two boys and daily expects nothing but appreciates everything in her life. Continuously choose to Follow Jesus's way than her way and out of that she's continually blessed. Cecelia took a leap of faith, trusting that Jesus had better things for her, And with trust she become richly blessed. 

My Aunts Nita and Shelly are not just some amazing Aunts (I love all my aunts) but some amazing moms. Both have some qualities that I hope to be like to my nieces and nephews. My aunt Shelly has such wisdom. I love just sitting and talking with her as a child just as much as I do now.s  My aunt Nita has one of the best hospitality grace about her as well wise. I see them nurture their children with such great gifts.

In my church there are so many moms who each leave something special and deep.

Sarah Nichols, though she is no longer living, she was a mother to many then just her three kids. She left so much with everyone. She was one of the first mom I connected with, talked with and loved being loved on. Her love for Jesus was so deep and beautiful it shone through.

Norma is one of the first moms I got to know. She is a great conversationalist, talking with her is like talking a old friend that you always want around. raises her kids with joy and loves on people deeply.

Tammy- In just the last year become a mom (even though she has always been one spiritually). Every day, every ride is full of excitement, wisdom and a cup overflowing of grace.

Gizelle - Today as she was sharing in church I kept thinking "This woman is one of the strongest, amazing and confident mother I've ever met. So much life is in this woman. God's beloved."

Sarah - Mom to 5 boys and every time I spend time with her, I'm deeply inspired, somedays I wish I could raise a house full of boys as well as she does. Life is indeed an adventure with her as a mom.

Jamie -Crazy may be what she calls her life, but she moms her kids like  Wonder woman saving the world. She's a strong mama who looks at a challenge in the eye and gives it a wink.

Kalea -prayer warrior, mama who has people at heart always, living every living breath for Jesus and gets excited being a part of helping people find Jesus or being with those who loves jesus.  A mom that shows you what love is.

Kelsea- joined one of my favorite families and before she become engaged I prayed that she would marry Peet. Happiness is her strength, joy is her song. Another great  mom that love is deep and beautiful.

Kim- Humble, game changer, God's beloved and great treasure. Awesome mom who every moment is woven beautifully in God's grace.
Liana- Island mom that shows you what it means to be selfless, fearless and a willing servant to Jesus.
Jelena- Proof love does exist and continues to. Someone you want to be friends with and makes you feel like everyday is life giving you the best gift.
Grace -Life is definitely an adventure. Shows you how beautiful this world can be, What beauty means in everyone and everything.

Michelle- Someone you make friends for life. Laughter she wears with beauty. Another who shows you what love means.

Bond- A cupful of life that is constantly pouring out into people's lives. A mom who is everyday leaving such a beautiful legacy for her son. Another beautiful spiritual mother.

I'm around moms every day and even though their job is not easy. Each of these woman I've mention and many others I'm around I didn't mention all pay important parts in many lives.  They  trust God with the impossible and he rewards them daily in such beautiful ways in ways many of us who don't have kids can never understand. To All the wonderful moms in my life, Thank you for being part of my story, Being part of God's masterpiece that shine so brightly in the lives you touch.

A Flower in the Rain

"I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than loving people." -Vincent Van Gogh

Salsa dancing mama, Filipino Queen, Beautiful fighter and strong warrior. Amazing mother and wife. Gizelle is all of these things plus much more. She has one of the most radiant smiles that I'm sure any famous celebrity wish they had. Laughter is something she's clothed in and wears beautifully. Such amazing hospitality and has one of the warmest hugs ever. (even though I'm not a hugger, she has amazing hugs) Her home is one of my favorite places in the world. When they had moved closer where my family lived and I was over having a sleepover with her girls. It was close to lunch time and she was decorating cupcakes. I just sat and watched her create a masterpiece with each one. Masterpiece everything she teaches creates a masterpiece of beauty. Her kids are some of the most beautiful people (inside and out) her artwork and form of worship. And her skill of party planning and event planning is the bomb. So bing bada boom, you get blown away with every one that she takes charge of. She's so humble and a wonderful listener. I love just sitting and talking with her, listening to her and I love feeling I can blab on and on and she listens even if she doesn't have time to listen. She makes time for her family and friends. Love Jesus and spending time in his presence is one of her favorite places to be in.

 Some people are created in such a way you just stare at them (not creepily) and you feel filled with such awe at how inspiring they are. She has gone through so much and the amazing part about it is that she stay strong and trusted God in all of these.  As I was writing this one of my favorite verses in Romans came to mind. "The pain you feel can't compare to the joy that's coming.: There is so much joy she has given me and so much more joy she has coming to her.

Every Good Gifts

Awhile ago Addie had posted on Facebook a picture of her and my brother and commented on how God gives good gifts (4G's) And it got me thinking. I spent this week going through a self discovery trying to figure myself out, what I wanted, needed just a little more on me. And I came to thinking about gifts. Gifts have a weird thing for me. When I think of gifts I think about receiving them on your birthday, Christmas. On special holidays and sometimes just because reasons. Gifts have been one of my love languages on how I show love to others but when I was younger it stressed me out more than it does now, which is weird. I love receiving a gift but I love the hidden meaning behind the gift more than the gift itself. I love that someone cared enough to pick something out for me. And trying to figure why they choose the gift they did for me. So really I could care less about the gift but because everything has a story, it makes me enjoy the gift just as much.

But on a spiritual note, here's what I have been thinking about: I grew up in a christian home, everything written here may sound religious so bare with me.. Addie brought up a good thought piece to ponder on. She believes that God gives good gifts to his children, I honestly don't know how much of that I believe. I used to think that God gives everyone a choice and with choice comes the good and the bad. For in everything you do, say or think something good or bad happens. Me sitting here writing results in a good or bad scenario. Now I just am just as confused as you are reading all that. Or maybe you're not and understand more than I do. I do know it says in the bible God delights in giving his children good gifts and so he must have a lot of good gifts for me. And I don't mean any of the spiritual gifts or what we're good at. But gifts he delights in giving his children.

Just takes One

"We are what we believe we are." -C.S Lewis

Sometimes life hands us gifts when we weren't expected gifts. And sometimes they come in the form as gentle as an Angel. With many meanings to her name Chelsea, meaning pebble in ancient Greek or a port of ships in old English. While none of those really stick out as who she is, for she's sweet, sensitive. And has a big heart! She was my first friend I made when I moved away from all my friends and everything I knew. When my family moved to Philomath 8 years ago, the church  across the street was having a 4th of July celebration. We had just moved and we were invited to join. So me and a few of my siblings went over to join. She spotted me not when I hadn't been there more than 3 minutes and introduced herself. What I had noticed about her was she was wearing this pretty red dress (red was my favorite color) and I didn't see much people wearing red like what she wore. So she held my attention. The rest of the evening she was sweet and introduced me to 2 other girls (one was her sister) and another sweet girl named Amy. She stuck by myself the entire time making sure I was enjoying my time. Not only is she beautiful inside and out, but her soul is beautiful. She is one of the strong person I know, she doesn't let things in life get her down or keep her down. She continues to see that there is so much goodness in everyone and in herself. She's so compassionate and humble with one of the purest hearts I have ever known.

 She has always been a friend that I knew would always have my back. She like Jill has shown love comes in the smallest form, whether it's making sure you feel you're part of their world or an outpouring love by gracing you with her. What a sweet amazing friend I have.

Life is an Adventure

"Actually the best gift you could have given her was an adventure of a lifetime -Lewis Carroll

Because I can't figure out how to update about me, I decided to write one here instead and write about me. I'm Natasha or Tasha as people call me.

 I am the middle child of a family with 13 kids 4 adopted. (I'm a adoptee) Life with that many kids, loud yes, crazy yet structured but I basically hid from all that. I was shy as a child and family stuff was intense, don't get me wrong I love my family, they are just intense a lot of the time. Don't like conversations that involve "before you were adopted or what's it like being adopted," so unless I bring it up I won't talk about it.

I love to get to know people. I'm introvert but I think why a lot of people mistaken me as extroverted is because of my outgoing personality. I have a hard time getting to know people. Quality is the way I connect with people. I love learning new things about my family and friends and the world. But school was just hard for me. I'm a dreamer, I dream up new adventures. To which I end up writing about.

 I have spent my entire life around children. I wasn't a fan of children as most people think I was, it happened the day I met a little girl named Ella Bumstead. But there's a post about her I wrote about 2 years ago.

Birthdays are the most important thing to me. People wonder why I love my birthday so much. But here's something about me that most people don't know. As far as I know, I have no biological family. When I got adopted I gained a new family. A new name and new life, the only thing that stayed with me was the day I was born. The only thing that wasn't taken away from me and I held onto that. They became this special thing that would never be taken away.

 I tried so hard to fit in. As I grew up I realized that no matter how hard I try I will never fit in. Something I continue to tell myself every day. My looks, my hair everything I do will always be different.

I don't really like to try new things. I learned that while I was in Indonesia. I do it for the living the experience but when it comes down to enjoyment I'm content with keeping the same schedule and routine. I don't need any new random excitement in my life. Heights scare the crap out of me. I tried last summer many times breaking myself out of that fear but it became an anxiety. Thrill doesn't give me adrenaline like it does most people, it either brings anxiety or just no thrill, it's why I can watch a horror movie and just feel like I watched a OK movie.

I get excited and happy about anything Alice in Wonderland, Sparkly things, Dresses, spending time with my family and friends. Elephants and planning my birthday, (I will plan it 6 months in advance) warm weather, colors, hiking (though trails that have a steepness to them I get terrified being on) and great conversations.

Most people ask about things I desire or what are my passions. My passions are writing and how to become a better writer. I'm also super passionate about one day becoming a mother, if I can be half as great as the moms I spend time with I would be happy. My desires are different than my passions, I desire to feel the love of Christ daily but as I write this I feel more and more as if it is non existence and I don't know how to change that. I also desire to change myself into someone I'm proud of. I hear my parents and some people say they are proud of me but I'm not proud of myself. Nor do I love myself. I'm satisfy loving on other people even putting their needs before mine but don't do the same for myself.

I'm not a very open person but if I don't like something I'll let you know. Sometimes I seem like I talk but it's mostly because I'm in inward processor and after processing things for a good amount of time it just comes out in mounts. I do however think about whether or not I should say, but there are times I don't and usually apology follows.

This is me..I'm a work in progress. I'm someone trying to navigate life in the ways that I can. I adjust for people, sometimes live a little much for people. I'm growing in areas that needed a push and stuck in others.

Cherished Beyond Words

"We must go on and take the adventure that comes to us." -C.S Lewis

Does this person make you think of a youthful person. I vote yes a hundred times. Liana Stone, one of the many great wonders in my life. She's a wonderful wife,  super mom, raising 3 young kids in a beautiful tropical island in Zanzibar. She reminds me of Moana but so much cooler. Last summer when they came home for a few months visiting family and friends, I got the honor of watching her kids and while I did that I also really got to know her. I love her heart.  She has such a servants heart for the people around her. I love her passion for music...Her voice is amazing, I love how her little nieces play one of her Cd's in their room, they're so proud of their Auntie. Her passion to grow daily in her relationship with the father...How she's excited to be in his presence. She's creative and artistic, her hands are never idle. Hardworking is a skill she flourishes in and with such beauty. The earliest memory I have of her, though I had been around her and her family a good chunk growing up but it wasn't until after her and her husband were married, they lived in a cute trailer parked at my parents house how I started getting to know her and talking with her my friendship with her grew. A great conversationalist gal who has some great stories. (She was on American idol once) A fierce prayer warrior who believes in the impossible. That the Father makes impossible become impossible.
 Life with this lady is gift that you never expected to receive but loving every minute of it. I know I always feel like I've received such an amazing gift having a real sweet friendship with her.

Never Lose Your Sense of Wonder

"Sometimes I believe in Six impossible thing before breakfast.-Queen of hearts

So when you look at the people in your life, how often do you wonder why doesn't this person have their own star in Hollywood with their name on it. There's is a few in my life that I look at them and wonder that...But for a specific woman..Sarah J Scholl... Light...Brightness in Irish.. A wonderful New Mexico lady at heart but living the Oregonian dream..She's raising 5 little boys who are rambunctious and full of life. .And rocking it amazing that I often want to be just like her when I grow up. I love that I get to spend one day a week with her. She's insanely goofy and doesn't care to show her goofy side anytime.Laughter makes her shine.  When she laugh you laughs. I remember when I started hanging out with her weekly, we went up to Portland to visit one of her best friends Rayma, I was in the living with some of the kids and she picks up this goofy hat, looks around the room probably talking to herself saying she needed something to pizzazz it up...First time I heard a adult use a Clifford term... She ended up wearing sunglasses and something else causing everyone to laugh. And I thought I want to spend more time with someone who makes life an Adventure. And learned she's always up for an adventure. She's ambitious and full of passion. She resembles a Gladiolus flower in so many ways. Loved for her enthusiasm and good, charming nature. Something that is always shown inside her home and with people she interacts with. She loves Jesus and loves her family.  She loves to love and never expects the same back.

 As I was writing this, I thought of a line in a song I used to sing in middle school and somehow it kept playing in my head as I was thinking about who sarah is. "I see you like a star in the sky, and I love it, yes the light in your eyes." She has such a light that a star gives off. Such a beautiful light. 

You are More

What I would tell this child: "fear is a liar, you have overcome a lot since you were adopted. Your past doesn't define you, what was broken in you can be fixed and healed. You shouldn't be afraid to love those you love, because some of them you only get a few years with. Open your heart to love, it's better than fear." Too bad this child as sweet and silly she looks was a pretty broken child who had a hard time trusting people and loving those she loved. I heard this advice years later and I truly regret living the fearful life I lived as a child. I literally was afraid of everything. A week ago I took a Sunday away from people because I was feeling super vulnerable to fear to the point I was ready to scream at whoever started talking to me. As I was processing what I was feeling, I wrote down what I was feeling. And underneath the fear there was pain that I was hiding for so long. It was so deep and so felt so real I started crying. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there crying.  "you are more than the choices you've made. You are more then the problems you've create. You've been remade.

 More in depth about this, ask me in person. Not something I would share on my blog because it feels a little more personal.